please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
