so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
