You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
