Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
