tell your sister to shave her snatch
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
