He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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