Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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