you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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