You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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