I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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