Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Randomize
