Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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