It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
