so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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