nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize