Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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