wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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