I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
