Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
