What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Someone signed my nipple.
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