Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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