I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
