ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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