I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
