well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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