Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
