Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you made out with another girl for some wings
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
