whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
