I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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