I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
