why do cheetos always look like penises
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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