my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
