apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
