Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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