I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
