you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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