just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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