Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
