final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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