He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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