Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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