My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
