I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
