Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
