Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A+ Viking dick
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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