I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
