once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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