I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
