I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize