I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize