i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
