Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
