I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
