I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
