Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize