There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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