If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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