I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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