stop calling my apartment porn island.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
