She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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