lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
