Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
