it hurts more in the daytime
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
