I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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