ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
